When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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