"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
