The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
