You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
my poor anus
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
