My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize