He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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