Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
