Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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