So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
