i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Quick, to the slutcave!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
