It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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