At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
