omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
