Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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