Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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