They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
