Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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