Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
