pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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