oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
