I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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