Plan B is the new Plan A
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
