I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
