I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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