something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
