R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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