dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
