May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize