So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I would ride that face into the sunset
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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