Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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