Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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