Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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