Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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