: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Boobs speak an international language.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
