Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
