perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
