a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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