people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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