My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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