If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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