My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
