What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize