You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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