When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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