i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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