yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
