did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
