And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You work out of a Hotel?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
