Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
