Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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