you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
