He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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