end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think people are normalizing furries
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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