I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
