So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
