walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
