dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize