I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize