No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
