He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
