omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
