i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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