You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
sex in a hospital.. check
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
