I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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