As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the liver wants what the liver wants
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
