i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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