I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Still dying that you shit outside
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
